


Come Undone.

by JamieB93



Series: Blood Feud [13]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Coming Out, Consensual Underage Sex, Depression, F/M, Harry Osborn Centric, Harry Osborn Needs a Hug, Harry is a capital M Mess here guys, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Johnny Storm Needs a Hug, Kid Harry Osborn, M/M, Mary-Jane Watson needs a hug, Mental Health Issues, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Harry, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Tony is in it for like a hot second, Underage Sex, Worried May Parker (Spider-Man), gay johnny storm, i don't think he has even 1 line eek, not much harley in here sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28048386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieB93/pseuds/JamieB93
Summary: “Do we have to talk about this?” Harry snapped quickly, “I already regret it, and I’ve probably really fucked things up with Mary-Jane. Like for real this time.”“What do you mean, honey?” May asked sympathetically“We kissed last night. When I walked her home” Harry said sadly, “Then when we were half-way through it, she broke it off and said she liked me but couldn’t do the whole relationship thing right now. So I said fine and then immediately went off and had sex with some random girl. So, I’m a piece of shit….basically. But we already knew that”May laughed a little and scooched a little towards Harry, running her hands through his hair again as he lay his head on his shoulder.“You are not” she told him, “You are one of the kindest and most thoughtful people I have ever met. You’re just a little lost right now.”“I’ve done so many bad things, May” he said sadly as he twisted the end of her cardigan in between his fingers, “So many.”
Relationships: Harry Osborn & Ben Parker, Harry Osborn & Johnny Storm, Harry Osborn & Mary Jane Watson, Harry Osborn & May Parker (Spider-Man), Harry Osborn & Peter Parker, Harry Osborn & Tony Stark, Harry Osborn/Johnny Storm, Harry Osborn/Mary Jane Watson, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Blood Feud [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1709539
Comments: 14
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the longest chapter for a while and it's taken me about five weeks to finish it because I needed to get it right. There are some plot developments towards the end, but mostly this is a character study of Harry and where he's at mentally after all he's been through. I am quite proud of it however I must warn you before you proceed that there is a MAJOR trigger warning in this chapter for self-harm, both implied with some characters and shown with others. Please do not read this chapter if this is going to be an issue for you. 
> 
> Or, if you do wish to, here's where you should stop and start reading.
> 
> Stop: "Figuring he couldn’t stay in the shower crying forever..."  
> Continue: "Once in his room..."
> 
> Stop: "Then Harry’s mind began to wonder"  
> Continue: “What?” Harry asked."
> 
> Stop: "It was only when, once again, that Harry was alone in the shower that the full weight of the last few days hit him again. "
> 
> Thank you and PLEASE read with caution.

**Blood Feud**  
 **Book 2** : _Descent_  
Part II: Come Undone.

**Monday, July 25th, 2011, Central Park, Manhattan, New York.**

Mary-Jane Watson’s beaming smile shone like a beacon against an unusually cloudy New York July day. Harry Osborne was waiting for her on a park bench, scrolling through his phone, when he detected the all-too familiar pattern of her heels tapping along the pavement as she approached him with a playful, wry smile and her hands behind her back. Harry put his phone down and smiled at her as she reached him and they hugged. 

“Better late than never” he told her. 

“Oh hush, I’m not even that late” Mary-Jane replied with an eye-roll, “And don’t act like you weren’t all happy, sitting looking pretty in the summer sun, life doesn’t always have to be a photoshoot, Harold.”

“You’re one to talk” Harry replied, blushing a little, “So, what did you wanna do this afternoon?”

“I’m happy just to chill here” Mary-Jane said with a friendly grin as she sat herself down on the grass and patted the empty space next to her for Harry who blushed once again and sighed before sitting himself down next to her, “Just me, my favourite park, my favourite book and my favourite boy.”

“Oh, I’m your favorite, am I?” Harry teased as he stretched out and lay his head on her lap as she stretched back and pulled her copy of Jane Eyre out of her bag and began to thumb through the pages, “Don’t let Johnny hear you say that he’ll have a fit. I think he’s got a crush on you; you know.”

“Funny” Mary-Jane replied absent mindedly, “He says the same thing about you.”

Snitch ran though Harry’s mind bitterly. He looked up and blinked as Mary-Jane’s smiling and beautiful face towered above him now, birds tweeting behind her, the clouds having shifted and the sun disappeared since she’d arrived. He almost felt like telling her. She was always into those kind of wistful poetic metaphors but doing so would have put him very close to revealing his true feelings and Harry Osborne had sworn he was exclusively unemotional for the time being given the events of his birthday weekend. 

“How’s home?” he asked her. She only ever wanted to meet up just the two of them when she had something she wanted to tell him.

“Straight to the point” Mary-Jane sighed as she put her book to one side and began to run her fingers through Harry’s locks. It was almost as if her way of keeping herself grounded was to keep him grounded, “Well, he’s been laid off from that landscaping job again, which means he’s around the house with nothing to do, which means he drinks, which means that I-“

“Bastard” Harry said angrily.

“Yeah, tell me about it” Mary-Jane sighed.

“I’ll beat him up for you, if that’s what you want” he offered, completely meaning it, and felt a little deflated when Mary-Jane giggled and threw her red locks back in amusement. 

“Oh Harry, you do make me laugh” she said, “Honestly, nothing cheers me up more than seeing you.”

“I’m serious!” Harry exclaimed in protest, raising his head from her lap, and turning so he could face her, “I bet I can take him too! I’ve been doing training with Ben and the whole world knows how big my biceps have gotten-“

He flexed them to show her. She smiled but gently put his arms back in place. 

“It’s not about whether you could take him or not” Mary-Jane said wistfully, “I know between you, you and Johnny could probably make sure he never walks again, but that’s not what I want. It’s two more years, Harry, and then the world’s mine. I can do it.”

“Yeah, and I get all that” Harry murmured, “And I know that he’s never laid an actual finger on you, but…well, why is the thought of me handing him his ass so funny to you? If you know I can do it as well…”

It was a vain, stupid, selfish question in the knowledge of what Mary-Jane was going through at home but it had still stung regardless and well….what Mary-Jane thought of him was really kind-of-incredibly-important to him. 

“Because you dumb-dumb, it’s you” Mary-Jane smiled as they rearranged and got back into their original position, “And frankly, even though I know your built enough, the thought of you purposefully hurting someone is just kinda….funny, to me.”

“Why?” Harry asked. Thoughts of Steven Westcott flashed through his mind. Laying dead in his own apartment because Harry had broken in and killed him. Westcott. Dead. His fault. His fault. All his fault.

“Because you’re Harry” Mary-Jane smirked, “You’re the boy who picks spiders up and gently sets them free when you find one, you’re not a fighter.”

“What if I was defending someone?” Harry asked, “Could you imagine that?”

“I guess” Mary-Jane replied after a seconds thought, “Harry, you’re acting like this is a bad thing and it absolutely isn’t. I know people make you think you boys have got to be all macho and violent but that’s just not who you are. It’s a good thing. It’s one of my many, many favorite things about you.”

Harry nodded. He guessed that he could embrace that if it made Mary-Jane like him more, even if she was dead wrong. Harry was all violence these days. OK, he might not go around picking fights on the subway with random strangers like Peter seemed increasingly fond of doing nowadays, but that didn’t mean that Harry wasn’t constantly raging on the inside. His Mom. Skip. Abbie. Norman. Peter. All of it. A constant raging war inside his brain that made him so angry that sometimes he really did feel like he was only seconds away from taking it out on someone.

But what would that make him?

The same as his dad? The same as Mary-Jane’s? Making the world and completely innocent people suffer through his problems? That wasn’t fair. No, if Harry had to express his anger, there was only one way to do it that made sure no one else got hurt. He’d hurt enough people. He’d killed someone the last time he let his anger take over, he couldn’t do that again. What if next time, it was someone who wasn’t a monster like Steven Westcott had been? What if it was someone completely innocent, or what if it was someone Harry loved? 

He even had to keep the rage that constantly burned inside him quiet, because what right did he have to expose his friends to the chaos that was his families problems? Johnny already knew too much and worried about him, he didn’t want the same for Mary-Jane, not with all she had going on herself.

Which reminded him,

“So, what did he do?” Harry asked.

“Who?” she replied.

“Your Dad” Harry said.

“I already told you” Mary-Jane retorted with a confused frown, “He got laid off and now he’s around the house and drinking more. There wasn’t really a specific incident.”

“Oh” Harry replied, “Then why did-“

“Why did I what?” she asked sweetly as she put her book to one side and resumed stroking her hands through Harry’s hair, “Talk to me, Harry. Let me know what’s going on in that big old noggin’ of yours-“

“I just-“ Harry hesitated in his confusion, “Normally, when we meet up and it’s just us, I always think it’s because something’s happened with your Dad, but-“

“Harry, are you serious?” Mary-Jane asked, sounding a little offended and Harry immediately felt himself blush and chastised himself internally for upsetting her, “I don’t just want to see you because I need someone to sound off at, I wanted to meet up with you because you’re my favourite person to talk to. Do you really not know that?”

Harry frowned. He felt immediately stupid. Of course, Mary-Jane liked him and wanted to spend time with him because they were friends, he knew that, but he’d never really considered that she wouldn’t want anything from him. Most people did. They always had; it came with the territory of being an Osborne. Harry struggled to imagine that someone as kind and funny as Mary-Jane would choose to waste their time on someone like him just because they wanted to. 

And to think he worried about Harley and Peter’s self-esteem problems.

“I….I don’t-sorry-“ he stammered.

“No, it’s OK” she assured him, “I know that….everything that’s happened over the last few years has probably had an impact on you but please….God, Harry, please don’t let it doubt yourself. You are kind and funny and beyond gorgeous. Anyone would want to spend time with you.”

And for what felt like the hundredth time that afternoon, Harry blushed and had to turn his head away from her. He chuckled and then smiled as he felt her hand creep into his own so he turned back and looked up at her once again.

“What if I prove you wrong?” he asked, “What if you find out I’m not as good as you think I am”

Mary-Jane rolled her eyes.

“Dude, I watched you pee your pants watching Monsters Inc when we were six” she said with a playful smirk and god, maybe he did love her? “There is nothing, and I mean nothing, you can say or do that’s going to change that. Trust me.”

*

The rest of the afternoon was one of the most relaxed and chilled out stretches of time Harry had had in a while. Mary-Jane had such an easygoing presence, no one except May was really able to make Harry feel as calm as he did when he was around them, and by the time the sun started to set and Harry was walking Mary-Jane back to the subway station he was aware that they’d not let go of one another’s hands all afternoon.

“So, I’m coming back to Queens with you” Harry told her as they sat on the platform waiting for her train to show up.

“Don’t be stupid, Harry” she retorted, “It’s ages away and you have a curfew.”

“Like I care about that” Harry smirked and rolled his eyes, “There’s no way I’m letting you walk home alone at night by yourself. Non-negotiable, I’m afraid.”

Mary-Jane sighed. 

“You’re dumb” she told him.

“Don’t act like you’re not flattered” Harry said with a wink, “Besides, my alternative is going home and awkwardly avoiding Peter all night, so-“

“You guys still aren’t speaking?” Mary-Jane sighed, “Oh Harry, whatever it is, please sort it out. I’d hate to think of you guys all mad with each other. You need to stick together.”

“Tell that to him” Harry said bitterly, “He’s the one who nearly left us behind to go and live with Dad in Washington after….well, after everything….”

“But he didn’t go, Harry” Mary-Jane reminded him as they stood up to get on the now approaching train. They remained holding hands until they were seated and then it was Mary-Jane’s turn to rest her head in Harry’s lap, “He didn’t go.”

Harry nodded. He knew. He knew he was being the dick in the situation, because that’s just who he was, and he knew that being made to chose between staying with Harry and Harley or going to live in Washington with Abbie or Morgan or whatever she was being called this week had practically torn his little brother in half but Harry just couldn’t get past the fact that Peter had even considered leaving them. Leaving him. 

What’s to say he wouldn’t change his mind and take off again?

And it wasn’t even like Peter was mad at Harry. He’d been making every effort to get back in Harry’s good books since their father had left again; offering to make Harry breakfast, tidying his room for him, backing Harry up in practically every argument he’d had with Ben and May over the last week. Always the selfless little brother who put his own welfare in last place. It had been just over a week since their father had left again and Harry hadn’t so much as spoken a word to Peter, yet his little brother never seemed to give up his fight, but more and more Harry was finding himself more annoyed by Peter’s reckless abandon for his own welfare than charmed or moved by it.

Peter had come home with yet another series of cuts and bruises on the previous Wednesday night, their first night back in the Manhattan townhouse, and instead of feeling sympathy or concern for his brother, Harry had merely felt annoyance. He’d had to leave the room because he was so annoyed with Peter. Harley had cried, yet again, and Ben and May had to be up all night tending to Peter’s injuries because he’d refused to go to hospital because there were “people who needed it more” then he did. All done in the name of helping someone else, and yet all Harry could think was that Peter was selfish. 

But most of all, Harry was scared. He was scared that Peter would leave him. Leave him just like their parents had. He knew it was all his fault deep down. If Harry had just been able to keep control of his temper, none of this would have happened. Skip would still be alive, and probably in jail actually paying for his crimes, and Harry’s mother probably wouldn’t have ended up dead because she’d dug around for answers and found out too much. Sure, it would have meant that their father was still around and getting away with everything like he normally did but at least the family would still be together instead of barely hanging on like they were now. It didn’t surprise Harry that Peter might have wanted out, it wouldn’t surprise him if Peter chose to go now with the way Harry was ignoring him, but it was like he couldn’t stop himself from doing. If Peter was going to leave him, Harry would rather push him to it than just let it happen.

“I don’t want to talk about it” he said quietly to Mary-Jane after she prompted him for some more answers, “Really, Mary-Jane, I just-I can’t talk about it.”

“OK” she sighed, “But he’s your brother. He loves you more than anything in the world and I know you love him the same. He needs you, Harry. He needs his big brother to make him feel like everything’s going alright. Don’t hold this one thing against him, he probably feels as confused and lost as you do”

Harry smiled. Damn, why did she have to be so smart?

“Can we talk about something else?” he asked.

“Ah, deflection” Mary-Jane smirked, “Classic move by dumb boys who know they’ve just been proven wrong by girls much, much smarter than they could ever hope to be.”

“You’re a pain in my ass, Watson” Harry lied. 

“Whatever, tiger, you love me” she said playfully, lifting her head out his lap and sitting up straight as her train arrived. Harry was so flustered by the love comment that he hesitated almost a little too long, causing Mary-Jane to thump him on the shoulder, “Not that I need your protection, but weren’t you planning on riding back to Queens with me….?”

Harry blushed and smiled before getting up and following her on to the train.

*

He had definitely made the right decision walking Mary-Jane home. The area of Queens that she lived in was rough and Harry could tell she was nervous walking through it, even with him by her side. Mary-Jane liked to pretend she was tough but even Harry felt nervous as they wined in and out of various back alleys and avenues. Her hand found his at one point and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

“Well thanks” she eventually said as they arrived at her driveway, “Even if you are dumb and stupidly chivalrous, I appreciate the gesture.”

“No worries” Harry replied with a lovesick smile, he’d been thinking about how wonderful their day together had been as they’d walked to her home in comfortable silence, the way she made him feel calm, feel safe, the way she wasn’t afraid to call him out on his bullshit and was willing to take some herself, “I had a really great time today, thank you.”

Mary-Jane blushed and tucked a strand of auburn hair behind her button ears, smiling up at Harry and looking so impossibly beautiful in the summer dusk that the boy felt his heart skip about ten beats. She felt like a beacon. 

“I’m the one who’s grateful” she replied, looking down, “Harry, listen-“

Just as Mary-Jane was about to speak, her front door swung violently open and revealed a run down and angry looking middle aged man dressed in a wife beater and sweats, a can of beer in one hand a cigarette in his other. Harry gulped, dreading the idea that he was leaving Mary-Jane vulnerable to her father’s clearly volatile current state of mind. 

“You’re late” Mr. Watson snarled at her, “Where the fuck have you been?”

“With Harry” Mary-Jane snapped, “Like I told you.”

Mr. Watson chucked his cigarette on the ground and stamped it out before taking another swig of beer and pointing towards Harry. 

“I don’t like you spending too much time with this one” he growled. 

“He’s my friend” she snarled back. 

_Friend_. Well, that was that then.

“Whatever, see if I give a fuck” Mr. Watson said dismissively, “Just don’t be expecting me to house you and any bastards in this house when moneybags over there can afford the moon and the stars.”

Harry clenched his fist and took a deep breath. Every bone in his body was telling him to pound the life out of Mary-Jane’s father and take her away from all of this but she deserved to be saddled with him less than she deserved her father’s verbal abuse. No, he knew it was for the best that he rode out Mr. Watson’s jabs and made sure that Mary-Jane was left as safe as she could be once he was gone.

“Did you have dinner yet?” Mary-Jane asked her father impatiently. 

The man made a dismissive noise and hand gesture before stumbling back into his home and presumably straight back to the fridge for another beer. Mary-Jane sighed and turned back to Harry, tears glistening in her ears as she did so.

“I’m sorry about that” she said quietly, “He always ruins-it’s why I didn’t want you to walk me home.”

“He hasn’t ruined anything” Harry assured her, “We still had an awesome day, one of the best ever, don’t let him take that away from you.”

Mary-Jane nodded but was still tearful so Harry gently brought her in for a hug. She rested her head on his chest and allowed him to stroke her hair for a few seconds before they broke apart and she looked up at him again and stroked his cheek with her hand. He keened. 

“You’re so beautiful” he told her.

“I’m really not” she laughed quietly, nervously.

“You are” he said softly, before taking a step towards her and tilting her head up so she was looking back up at him again, “You are.”

And then, his lips found hers. Mary-Jane had to stand on her tip toes to meet his lips and he reached his hands around her back and pulled her in closer. The kiss intensified as she reached a hand up and ran it through his hair. Elation soured through Harry’s blood for a few glorious seconds before Mary-Jane quickly broke the kiss apart and stood back.

His heart sank. She didn’t want this. He could already tell. She would lie and try to cover her true feelings up in some kind of false promise, blame it all on herself and how she wasn’t ready but Harry already knew. She didn’t want him, and he’d been a fool to think that she would. No one else wanted him, why should she be any different?

“I’m sorry” she said immediately, eyes wide in panic, “Harry, I’m so sorry, but I can’t do this. Not like this, not us, not right now.”

“MJ-“

“No, no don’t” she went on, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let that happen, I-err, look, everything I said about you today is true. You are funny and kind and so, so gorgeous but I just-with all that’s-I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”

“It’s OK” he assured her with a smile, she could normally sense when he was faking being OK but he knew in that moment he was playing the role perfectly, “It’s my bad, I misread the signs, it’s OK. Trust me.”

Mary-Jane sighed. 

“I do like you, Harry” she told him, “A lot. Like….you don’t even know how much but this isn’t the right time. For either us, and I can’t lose you in any capacity.”

Harry nodded.

“Like I said” he repeated, “It’s fine. Nothing’s going to change between us. I promise.”

He took another step towards her and hugged her once again. This time, her hands clutched to his back almost desperately and Mary-Jane’s whole body was shaking.

“This wasn’t how I wanted today to end” she said sadly.

“Like I said, we still had the best day ever” Harry said softly, “You and me, no one can take that away from us, least of all ourselves and stupid misguided kiss. Don’t beat yourself up, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Yeah, I promise I am” he lied. Mary-Jane nodded and kissed him on the cheek before slowly heading towards her front door. She turned and waved to him one more time before taking a deep breath and resigning herself to whatever fate lay for her beyond the door. Harry wanted to run in like some kind of hero in one of those old movies May always tried to get them to watch but his feet stayed firmly routed to the spot. Her bedroom light came on a few seconds later and it was only then that Harry figured it was safe for him to leave her. He and Johnny had fitted the lock on her door themselves a few months earlier. She was safe.

And that was all that mattered.

As he walked back towards the train, Harry tried to push down the feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred that now bubbled to his surface. They were always there, somewhat, but they felt even more potent following such an immediate and swift rejection from someone Harry wanted to love him so badly. 

Fuck, was he just unlovable? 

Sure, Ben and May always made sure he knew he was loved and he did believe they loved him, as well as he was sure Harley and Peter did but love always seemed to come at a price for Harry. Love existed in his life but Harry’s brand of love and being loved seemed so toxic, like he couldn’t do it right. Like the way he loved pushed people away. Why else would Peter want to move to Washington? Why else would his father have gone their in the first place? Why was his mother so unsatisfied with her life that she ended up looking in all the wrong places trying to fix him, surely if Harry had been a better son she would have felt a bit more satisfied? Hell, he was sure even Johnny had his limits. 

And now he could add Mary-Jane to the list. 

Maybe she did like him. Maybe she did love him. But like all the others, maybe she could sense that Harry’s way of loving people was violent. Destructive. The kind of love that leads you to cave a man’s head in in his own home. Steven Westcott’s brain had drowned in a pool of its own blood because Harry’s love for his brother had turned him into an animal. Mary-Jane knew what it was like to live with and love someone who was violent. So did Harry. And both knew the truth, that Harry was just the same as both their fathers, really. 

His love was violence, and that didn’t feel much like love at all. He ignored the text from Ben he got ten minutes into his walk, asking him where he was, reminding him that he was no way passed his curfew. Harry didn’t care. If he was already late, then he’d already punished, there was no need to rush back.

Instead, the gaping hole inside of him needed a temporary fix and Harry knew exactly where he could get it from.

*

A hand brushed along his bare torso the next morning, hot lips on his neck, as Harry Osborne lay in the bed of a girl he barely knew. Marguerite, her name was. An acquaintance of Felicia Hardy’s that Harry had drunkenly flirted with at Johnny’s sweet sixteenth a few months beforehand. They’d hit it off about as well as could have been expected given their inebriated states and stumbled up to bed together. She had ended up being one of many, the supposedly lucky girl he’d called by chance whilst feeling down the previous night. Her parents were away, her house was close to Jamaica station, she’d seemed the obvious choice. 

The thing was – Harry hated who he became around her. Around all of them. These girls. These girls who were happy to sleep with him but he could tell they had no interest in really getting to know him beyond what they all assumed they already knew from hearsay. That all Harry Osborne was was a spoiled, egocentric, pretty boy who slept with anything that moved. The Harry that appeared when he was around these girls was someone he was not proud of, someone who he despised, but he was someone necessary. Sometimes Harry wished he could be like him all the time though, wished he could switch off all his feelings and just live off of his bravado and his looks. Like they were all that mattered.

“Your skin is cold” Marguerite told him sleepily.

“I’ll get dressed soon” he yawned back, “Need to get going soon, I’ve got things to do today.”

“You’re always in such a rush to leave” she replied, “Emily says the same. Always in such a rush to go. Why don’t you stay?”

“I have to go” Harry cut her off. He threw back the bed sheets and searched around for his boxers and shirt as Marguerite huffed and crossed her arms. 

“This isn’t how you should treat girls; you know?” she said pointedly, “I’m not some play thing you can just use and toss to one side whenever you’re feeling down. I am a person.”

“Isn’t that what you all see me as though?” Harry snapped as he turned around to face her, slowly putting his shirt on. She didn’t need to answer. He could tell by the way her eyes burned into his torso, then his biceps, as if they were the ones that were talking to her. Just the same as any guy who focused too much on a woman’s breasts when she spoke. Harry was no different. He was just as much of an object to her as she was to him. “Just some piece of ass you can say you’ve had?”

“It’s different for girls” she replied testily, still staring at his chest as he crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows with a smirk, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Whatever” Harry sighed, “I gotta go.”

He hated this. All of it. He hated the way that he could only really feel hole if he was sleeping next to someone, no matter who they were, but the comfort sex brought him was only ever fleeting. It was the same this morning as it had been every morning since he started. He felt empty, hollow, dirty and used. Like there was some itch on his skin he needed to scratch away but it wouldn’t no matter how hard he tried. And maybe Marguerite was right. Maybe there was more to this, maybe he was hurting more people by sleeping around whenever he felt down, that would hardly be a surprise, would it? When it came to hurting people, Harry was a world champion.

Once fully dressed, he got out of Marguerite’s house quickly and called a cab to come and pick him up. He knew he would have a lot of damage limitation to do at some point, he only hoped that Johnny had been able to persuade Ben and May that he had stayed the night with him at the Baxter Building. As he was driven back to Manhattan, Harry rested his head against the window and watched the world pass him by. 

He shuddered as the memories of last night really came back to him. He hated the way she said his name, the way she touched him, the way she refused to even call him by his name, the way she woke up and pretended that he was the leach. The one in the wrong. That he was the user, and not her. OK, so he’d initiated it, but she was always the one who made him feel so cheap. Like he didn’t matter. It was becoming harder and harder to deny that wasn’t the case anymore but then Harry would think back to the way Mary-Jane had held him the previous day. Stroked his cheek. Played with his hair. The gentle touches that made him feel visible, like the real Harry was seen by someone he loved and that that person loved him back and made him know he mattered.

Only it was tainted now. Because all of his skin felt dirty and infected and wrong and he wanted, needed, to scratch it off but it wouldn’t go. The cab pulled up outside the house and Harry gave the driver a generous tip for driving him such a long way. Judging by the immediate shrieks of anger and relief when he walked in the front door a few seconds later, Harry guessed Johnny hadn’t managed to cover for him. 

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!” May Parker erupted as Harry stood sheepishly in the hallway. Harley and Peter were seated behind her at the breakfast table whilst Ben appeared behind his wife and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, “And don’t you dare tell me you spent the night with Johnny or Mary-Jane because I called both their houses and they both said you weren’t with them. Mary-Jane seemed to think you were on your way back home.”

Great. So Mary-Jane knew he’d never made it home. He’d have to call her and explain. 

“I was out” Harry said with a shrug, “I just….stayed out.”

He shrugged and headed into the living room, away from May’s furious glares, retreating because he knew it was a piss poor excuse. She, of course, followed. 

“You are sixteen years old” she said angrily once she’d reached him, “You cannot just stay out all night, doing God knows what and not tell us where you were, Harry. We give you a lot of freedom, and you’re abusing that trust.”

“I’m sorry, OK” Harry exclaimed, “I am. I just….I had a bad day and I just couldn’t face coming home so I didn’t. I didn’t drink or do drugs or anything like that….I just stayed out.”

May closed her eyes and sighed, Harry knew she was trying to center herself so she could approach this in a calmer way. She knew he didn’t like being shouted at. After a few seconds, May’s entire body language switched from being confrontational to calm and understanding and she sat herself down next to him on the couch. 

“OK, honey, you and I both know for a fact that I’m not just going to sit here and believe that you innocently walked around New York City all night by yourself” she said calmly, “I know you were with someone; you might as well tell me who and stop all of the crazy theories that have been going around my head.”

“Just….a girl” Harry shrugged, “No one special.”

May nodded.

“Again?” she asked, “Harry, this isn’t healthy. Not at any age, but certainly not at yours. Having sex with-“

“Do we have to talk about this?” Harry snapped quickly, “I already regret it, and I’ve probably really fucked things up with Mary-Jane. Like for real this time.”

“What do you mean, honey?” May asked sympathetically 

“We kissed last night. When I walked her home” Harry said sadly, “Then when we were half-way through it, she broke it off and said she liked me but couldn’t do the whole relationship thing right now. So I said fine and then immediately went off and had sex with some random girl. So, I’m a piece of shit….basically. But we already knew that”

May laughed a little and scooched a little towards Harry, running her hands through his hair again as he lay his head on his shoulder.

“You are not” she told him, “You are one of the kindest and most thoughtful people I have ever met. You’re just a little lost right now.”

“I’ve done so many bad things, May” he said sadly as he twisted the end of her cardigan in between his fingers, “So many.”

“You did what you did because you love people so deeply” May replied, “Your heart is too big, honey. I know I didn’t react well when you told me but I was just shocked. I get it now. I understand and you are not, in any way, a bad person because of it.”

“Wish I could believe you” he muttered. May kissed the top of his head. 

“You will, one day” she replied, “You do; however, stink so go and have a shower, please.”

Harry smiled and kissed her on the cheek as he climbed out of the hug and stumbled a little on his feet as he reached the door. Once out in the hallway, he found a tearful looking Ben walking away from the door, having clearly been eavesdropping.

“Ben?” Harry asked. 

“Yeah, champ” he replied.

“I’m sorry” Harry said sadly, “I…I should have let you guys know I was staying out, or just not stayed out in the first place.”

Ben nodded with a smile.

“Come here, bud” he said with arms open and Harry found himself collapsing into them and shaking, “Don’t worry, Harry, we’ll sort out that head of yours. You’re gonna be fine, I promise you.”

Harry nodded. He could almost believe it when it came from Ben. 

By the time that Ben released Harry from the hug and sent him on the way to his shower, the teenager felt utterly spent. The second the hot water poured down on him, his knees buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor and just broke. The tears were abhorrent. Painful, even, but he couldn’t stop them from pouring down his face. It was all such a mess. He was such a mess and somehow hearing that the people who he cared about most in the world still had so much faith in his ability to put himself back together made it all so much worse. If he was just broken, that would be one thing, he could adjust to that. But Ben and May still believing in him made it so much worse. Because he would disappoint them in the end, prove them wrong, make them look like fools for believing in him. Loving him. Harry Osborne was a monster and the sooner everyone around him woke up and realized the fact, the better they would all be.

Skip. Dead. Head caved in. Drowned in his own blood. By Harry’s hands. His fault. His fault.

His mother. Dead by the river. A gunshot to her head. He couldn’t save her. If he’d just been better, if he’d just been more, he could have saved her. If he’d been enough then she would have stayed that night.

Peter. Bruised eyes and cut lips. Throwing himself into danger because he had to be the one to look after people. Harry had let him down. He’d killed Skip and robbed Peter of his chance for justice. Made him look for it in the worst places.

Harley, Ben, May, Johnny, Mary-Jane, and Morgan or Abbie or whatever he was meant to call her now, he hurt them all as well. He’d hurt them all again in time. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. That’s all he ever did to people and he just wanted it to stop but it was relentless. No matter what he did, nothing went right. 

Figuring he couldn’t stay in the shower crying forever, Harry managed to pull himself up and actually wash away some of the grime that stained him. Scrubbing seemed to be more effective than scratching and yet the small razor blades he used to shave what passed for facial hair on him carried on calling out to him. He managed to ignore them, turn off the water and step out of the bathroom…..this time.

Once in his room, Harry got into a grey t-shirt and sweats before becoming aware of a lingering presence at his bedroom door.

Peter. 

Harry’s younger brother stood sheepishly in his doorway, nervous energy radiating off of him, a fresh set of bruises on his face. A cut lip. A black eye. Another day of Peter caring about others more than he cared about himself. Harry didn’t have the energy.

“I wanted to check you were OK-“ Peter began.

“You got into another fight” Harry said coldly, “Fuck, Peter, when are you ever going to learn?”

Peter sighed and closed his eyes. 

“Harry, please-“

“Get out, Peter” Harry snapped, “Just go, I don’t need or want you around me right now.”

Peter’s eyes glossed over in tears but as always, he did what he was told and Harry was assured once again, that he was the worst person in the world.

*

Mary-Jane had found out about Marguerite. It was naïve of anyone to assume she wouldn’t, May had already practically given the game away by calling Mary-Jane that night and given that Marguerite was friends with the notoriously gossip loving Felicia Hardy, the odds of Mary-Jane finding out so soon were always high. She’d been avoiding talking to Harry since but had taken both him and Johnny by surprise when she agreed to go to the movies with them the following Friday night. Harry was sure Johnny had had more than a little hand in helping her along her way.

It had been awkward, at first. It was clearly on both of their minds and Harry knew for sure that he was too scared to bring it up, instead choosing to let silence sit uncomfortably between them whilst Johnny went for a bathroom break. The poor guy had been doing a lot to fill in the silences for the last hour, and Harry was more sure than ever that he did not deserve a best friend like Johnny Storm. 

“Are you mad at me?” Mary-Jane asked after a minute or so. Harry’s ears pricked up and he looked at her with intense confusion.

“Mad at you?” he repeated, “Why the hell would I be mad at you?”

“Well, I just feel like I….you know, lead you on a bit” she explained, “It wasn’t my intention and I should have made it clear before things went that far that-“

“I’m not mad at you” Harry assured her, “Believe me, there’s not much I’m sure about at the moment, but I’m sure about that.”

Mary-Jane smiled.

“Oh, good then” she said before going back to playing with her milkshake straw. Harry sighed and decided to bite the bullet.

“If anyone has any right to be mad here, it’s you” he said, “I know that hearing that I went and had sex with someone else right after we kissed was probably….yeah, not great of me to do that, I’m sorry-“

“Harry, I was the one who rejected you” Mary-Jane reminded him, “I have got absolutely no right to sit here and act like you were in the wrong for doing whatever, or whoever, you did after I sent you away like that….you’re a free agent, it’s none of my business. I just could have done without finding out from Felicia Hardy by means of a bitchy text message.”

Harry nodded. 

“Well, I’m sorry about that, at the very least” he sighed, “If it helps….I didn’t enjoy it and it did not make me feel good about myself.”

“Harry, if you think the idea of that brings me any comfort then you don’t know me at all” she replied testily, “There’s very few things I care more about than your happiness.”

“Same here” Harry replied honestly. She smiled and blushed a little.

“God, the effect you have on me” she sighed, “Look, I can’t….promise you anything, shit is still really messed up and I don’t wanna….take that step with you and have it fail. You mean too much to me. If we’re going to that person for one another then we both need to be at our best. It’s what we deserve.”

Harry nodded.

“I just don’t want this to cost us our friendship in the meantime” she went on, “Like I said, you’re free to see who you want and if you’re not mad at me for turning you down-“

“Which I’m not-“ he hastily added. 

“Then there’s no reason for us to be sitting in dumb awkward silence” Mary-Jane concluded with a giggle, “It doesn’t suit us.”

“Agreed” he said with a smile as Johnny reappeared and sat himself between them, throwing an arm around both of their shoulders. 

“Ah good, you’re talking” Johnny said with relief, “I was worried about how I was going to fill anymore of that silence. There is a limit to how much bullshit I can talk you know.”

“Doubt it” Harry and Mary-Jane said in unison, causing the trio to burst into laughter. Harry felt lighter as they departed the diner and headed over to the movie theatre; Mary-Jane’s arm locked with his on his left and Johnny walking with his arm still around his shoulder to the right. They were seeing the final Harry Potter film on Johnny’s insistence; Mary-Jane had only ever liked the books and having grown up with the same name as the titular hero, Harry had developed a deep loathing for the series.

So, thirty minutes into the film and sandwiched between his two best friends, Harry felt Mary-Jane’s head slump in sleep on his shoulder whilst Johnny stared transfixed and utterly invested in what was happening in the movie. Then Harry’s mind began to wonder through the same thoughts of self-hatred and loathing that it always did whenever he had a moment, and without realizing it he had begun to dig his uncut thumb nail into the wrist on his right hand.

He had no idea how long he had been doing it until he heard Johnny gasp.

“I, err-“

“Yeah, no way is that shit happening on my watch” Johnny whispered furiously. He took Harry’s hand in his own and placed it on top of his wrist. Wordlessly, Johnny pulled some napkins and dabbed away the slight trickle of blood that had started to pour down Harry’s bare arm towards his white t-shirt. Mary-Jane didn’t move from her slumber, and Johnny held Harry’s hand in that position for the rest of the film.

Any worry that Johnny would immediately tell Mary-Jane was quickly dissipated when the film ended and she finally woke up. Johnny lead them out of the theatre and towards the train station that would take her home. She rested her head against Harry the entire way there and were it not for the fact that he knew he needed to have a serious conversation with Johnny once she was gone, he’d have walked her right to her front door step again. Instead, he insisted on giving her a $20 bill and getting a taxi from outside of the station to her house. 

“I am not accepting that” she said folding her arms, “I am not a charity case.”

“Do it for our peace of mind” Johnny said as he cast an arm around Harry’s shoulder, “Please, Mary-Jane, I’ll make my pouty face if not.”

“Harry, look-“

“Please take it” he asked her softly, “I’ll worry too much if you don’t. I’d walk you home again myself but I’m on strict instructions to be back before curfew after last week. Please. For me.”

“Damn your puppy dog eyes” she snapped as she took the bill from his hands and boarded her train after kissing them both on the cheek, “Catch ya later, boys.”

They waved her off and Harry felt the same melancholy feeling he always did as he watched her leave. He turned to face Johnny.

“Let’s walk” his best friend said, re-positioning his arm around Harry’s shoulder and leading him out of the subway station, “What the fuck was that?”

“I dunno” Harry said with a shrug as they turned onto the street that would take Harry back home, “I just….started and I didn’t realize until you stopped me.”

“Dangerous habit, that” Johnny sighed, rolling up his sleeve a little, “I would know.”

Harry blanched as he looked at Johnny’s left-wrist and saw various scars littering it. He wondered how he had never noticed these before, but he soon noticed how faded they were, indicating this was something from Johnny’s past. A habit he had managed to break. Harry was so often caught up in his own head that he forgot how his best friend had been through just as much heartache as he and his brothers had. 

“I’m sorry” he muttered. He hoped Johnny realized all he meant by that.

“You’ll be fine” Johnny assured him, “You’ve got me on your side, and you know what I’m like when I set my mind on something.”

“I just….you’re the best” Harry said with a laugh, “I seriously don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you. You never judge me, ever.”

Johnny smiled sadly.

“What?” Harry asked. 

“There’s something I need to tell you” Johnny sighed, “Something that I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now but I didn’t know how and you saying that then just….well, it made me think that now is the right time….I dunno, maybe it’s not-“

“Tell me” Harry told him. He pulled Johnny down onto a nearby bench and turned his now shaking best friend so he was facing him, “Cos I promise it’s the same from me. You’re my best friend. Nothing’s gonna change that.”

Johnny nodded and took a deep breath. He smiled at Harry.

“I’m….I’m gay, Harry” he said nervously. Harry hadn’t…..expected that. He hoped he didn’t look shocked or anything because he didn’t want to upset Johnny or make his best friend think for one second that this changed anything. Because it didn’t. 

Harry looked at Johnny and felt so much love for his best friend that it was kind of overwhelming. He deserved everything. 

“Does that….change anything?” Johnny asked. He seemed close to tears.

“No” Harry said immediately and passionately, “Johnny, I promise you, this changes absolutely nothing between us. You are still my best friend and the best person that I’ve ever met. Nothing will ever change that.”

Johnny coughed and laughed slightly before wiping some tears away from his eyes and launching himself into Harry’s arms, which took the teen somewhat by surprise but he hugged his friend back tightly and smiled as he rested his head on his shoulder.

“You’re the first person I’ve told.” Johnny said quietly.

“Oh” Harry replied in surprise, he thought he’d have at least told Sue and especially Reed before him, “I’m honored.”

They both laughed.

“Please don’t tell anyone” Johnny asked timidly.

“Of course I won’t” Harry assured him, “Your secret is safe with me. I promise you. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Johnny nodded as he retracted himself from the hug and smiled at Harry. Harry smiled back and they took a few seconds to just take one another in. Despite his giant admission only seconds before, Harry could tell there was something else on the tip of Johnny’s tongue. His eyes still seemed lost, searching, worried. There was something else on his best friends mind. 

“There’s something else” Harry concluded, Johnny recoiled a little, “Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that.”

He sighed.

“Another time, maybe” Johnny replied, “Not now. I just-wow, I think that was more than enough for one night.”

“You’re really brave” Harry replied, “Seriously, you are so brave and you’ve been through so much and I think I forget that sometimes. You’re the best person, you really are. I suck.”

“No” Johnny shook his head, “No, you’re not allowed to do that ever again. You’re not allowed to talk badly about yourself in front of me. Not after tonight. You….God, Harry….it kills me that you don’t see how amazing you are. And maybe, one day, you’ll be ready to share it all with me.”

They walked back to Harry’s house in contented silence after that. Harry once again mulling over everything bad he’d done, knowing that if he breathed one word of it to Johnny, that that would be it. Johnny would be disgusted. He’d leave him, like all the others will in the end. 

“You can stay if you want” Harry replied as he took his keys out of coat pocket and headed up to the front door, “I’m grounded still, but Ben and May never really object to you staying over. They love you too much. So do Harley and Peter. Everyone does.”

“I’m good, thanks” Johnny said with a smile, “Another time, maybe. We’ll get takeout food and talk about people we think are cute.”

Harry grinned.

“I cannot wait to find out who you’ve got a crush on” he beamed, “As long as it isn’t that idiot senior Eddie Brock I think I can accept just about anyone.”

Johnny laughed.

“Yeah, I don’t have a crush on Eddie” he smirked. Harry smiled back and waved as Johnny turned and headed in the direction of his own home. 

*

The house was largely quiet. Ben had been called away on urgent business, May and Harley were having their own night at the movies so Harry assumed he was home alone until he heard a pained hiss coming from the bathroom followed by some soft, quiet swearing. 

“Shit, shit, shit, this wasn’t meant to happen” Peter’s voice rang out from the bathroom and Harry swore that he could have nearly ignored it. Once again, Peter had clearly got himself into some kind of fight and not cared about what the hell happened to him and the thought of it made Harry’s blood boil but then he heard the sniffles. The little cries. The tiny, pained winces as Peter clearly tried to administer some first aid to himself.

Harry sighed. Mad or not, scared he’d be left behind by Peter still, nature would not let him ignore one of his little brothers in pain. He opened the bathroom door to find Peter sat in the bathtub in nothing but his underwear, blood pouring out of his arm. Harry sighed.

“Peter, what the hell?” he asked breathlessly as he took in the horrifying sight of his younger brother practically bleeding out in the bathtub.

“It wasn’t this bad at first, I swear” Peter said quickly, “I got pushed into some hedges and cut my arm but it was only small when I started. I swear, Harry. Now there’s a lot of blood and I feel woozy.”

Harry was at a loss as to what to do. He knew that if he called an ambulance and took Peter to hospital it would open a whole can of worms. He knew that it would probably mean Norman coming back to New York in some capacity. Questions about whether Ben and May were taking good enough care of the boys, the ones that mattered anyway. For the sake of avoiding bad publicity, Harry could imagine Norman firing Ben and May and either taking them to live with him in Washington or sending them to that boarding school in England. Or maybe he was just panicking and he just needed to god damn bite the bullet and help his little brother.

“No, no doctors, please” Peter whined as Harry pulled out his phone.

“I’m sorry Pete, you’ve lost too much blood” Harry sighed as he tapped in 911 into his phone and passed over details to the despatcher. He hung up and grabbed some more paper towels from the linen closet and began to clean around Peter, who was now crying.

Once again, Harry felt a flare of anger at his little brother’s actions and tried to ignore the whimpering and the sad little noises, but it went against his every instinct. Despite everything, his first reaction whenever Peter was upset or hurt was to comfort his little brother and assure him everything was going to be OK.

“Petey, talk to me” he said softly, placing a hand on Peter’s knee but this only made his little brother sob harder. 

“You-you’re so m-mad at m-me” Peter cried, “I h-hate it H-Harry I w-want u-us to be br-brothers again I m-m-miss you s-so m-much.”

Harry sighed and closed his eyes. _He’s going to leave, you’re going to get hurt, you’re going to get hurt, you’re going to hurt HIM. Let him leave before you hurt him too bad_. He looked away and reached for some more towels. 

“We are brothers” he said quietly as he cleaned around Peter, “We’ll always be brothers, nothing can change that. I still love you.”

“Br-brothers wh-who n-never t-talk” Peter shivered, “Br-brothers who w-walk o-out of a r-room when the other o-one w-w-walks i-in?”

Harry didn’t have an answer for that. Not because he didn’t want to provide Peter with comfort but because his brothers condition was deteriorating and these questions could be answered later. 

“You’re cold, let me get you something” he said dully before hurrying out of the bathroom and towards another linen closet where he grabbed some blankets. He almost jumped out of his skin when he closed the door and suddenly found Tony Stark standing looking utterly frantic in the hallway.

“Harry, kid, what the hell?” Stark asked.

“Me what the hell?” Harry snapped, “You almost gave me a heart attack, Stark. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I intercepted your 911 call” Stark replied.

“Of course you did” Harry sighed, “Cos fuck boundaries am I right? I won’t pretend I don’t know how you got over here so quick.”

Stark looked surprised.

Harry smirked.

“You think I haven’t figured out it’s you going around in those stupid tin can suits?” he smirked, “Give me a break”

“We’ll discuss that charming little revelation later” Stark snapped, “In the meantime, let’s get those around Peter and get him to the tower.”

“Tower?” Harry asked, “Why would we go to the tower?”

“Because that’s where Peter’s going to be treated” Stark said matter-of-factly as he took the blankets from Harry’s arms and pushed past him to get to the bathroom.

“Well, I’ve already called an ambulance” Harry argued.

“And I’ve cancelled said ambulance” Stark shot back.

“What? Why? What the hell is wrong with you?” Harry snapped as he followed Tony into the bathroom where Peter now lay unconscious. Tony stroked his hair and sighed.

“Oh kid” he said sadly 

“Stark, you need to answer me” Harry said desperately, “Why the hell would you cancel Peter’s ambulance? Have you seen how much blood he’s lost? He needs a hospital; he needs doctors who know what they’re doing.”

Tony wrapped Peter up in the blankets and lifted him up. Harry was surprised by the man’s strength. Peter wasn’t exactly a heavy kid but he was still fourteen years old and Stark had just lifted him up as if he were no more heavy than a backpack. 

“And he’ll get that, at the tower” Stark replied, “Now if you wanna stop asking questions and actually be helpful, grab my keys and hold these doors open for me.”

Harry did what he was told. Sure, Stark was an eccentric and unpredictable alcoholic hedonist who until very recently made his money selling weapons but he’d proven himself trustworthy enough over the last few years that Harry was willing to put his faith in him on this occasion. Harley and Peter were the ones who fawned over Tony, Harry could kind of take him or leave him. But he knew Tony wouldn’t put Peter, or any of them, in harms way. 

Tony’s car drove itself…..because of course it did and Harry spent the drive in silence, holding Peter’s increasingly cold hand until they arrived at Stark Tower and Peter was promptly rushed off to the medical bay by a team of doctors. Harry went to follow him but a hand on his shoulder from Tony kept him in place in the back of the car. 

“You deserve an explanation” Tony said simply.

“I just want Peter to be OK” Harry replied, “I don’t care about anything else right now, not even your little control trip.”

“This isn’t about me, kid” Tony sighed, “I didn’t come here and do all of this because of my ego and need to center myself in everything. I had to intervene before Peter was taken to a Government hospital where any old person could see what’s been done to him.”

“Done to him?” Harry asked. Tony sighed.

“This is probably a conversation you’re going to wanna have with your Aunt May or Uncle Ben” the billionaire lamented, “Or your old man, but believe me, I feel your pain there. Dads can be tricky.”

“Tell me” Harry said seriously as he glared at Tony, “Just please tell me what they’ve done to my brother.”

*

All in all, Peter lost almost two pints of blood but after a transfusion he was expected to make a full and actually rather fast recovery. Harry didn’t leave his bedside the entire time he was in Stark’s medical bay. At one point, Ben threatened to remove Harry by force so he could get some proper sleep but Harry had outright refused and was steadfast in his mission not to let Peter leave his eyesight until the boy finally woke up. 

That moment came two days later at 3.30 in the morning. Peter’s eyes gently fluttered open and he smiled when he saw that Harry was next to him. 

“You’re here” Peter said weakly.

“And you’re crazy” Harry replied with a laugh, “Geez, Pete, you really had us all going there for a while. Don’t you ever, ever do this to me again, OK?”

“Thought you wouldn’t be here” Peter went on, clearly in pain, “Thought that you hated me.”

“Oh Peter, I could never hate you” Harry said sadly, “And I’m sorry that I made you feel like that was even a possibility. I love you so much.”

Peter smiled and took Harry’s hand in his own. 

“Where’s Ben and May and Harley?” he asked. 

“Sleeping” Harry replied with a smile, “Harley’s pretty desperate to see you so I’m sure he’ll be here the second they let him. You’re at Stark’s tower. His private hospital. We’ve all been staying here for the last few days. It’s actually been pretty cool. I had no idea the ceiling talks to you.”

“That’s Jarvis” Peter smiled, “He’s a cool guy. He used to help Mr. Stark when he was our age.”

“Hard to imagine that old codger being our age” Harry smirked, “Peter, I really am sorry that I’ve been pushing you away lately. I was….well, I was scared.”

“Of what?” Peter asked. 

“That you’d leave” Harry finally confessed, “When I found out that Norman wanted you to go back to Washington with him and that you almost did, it….it hurt me so much and I didn’t know how to deal with it. Ever since Mom…I’ve kinda had this thing about people leaving and it-“

“I get it” Peter interrupted, “I understand. I felt the same way. The idea of losing you or Harley is like….way too much. That’s why I couldn’t go. I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from you guys…”

“And I should’ve realized that” Harry sighed, “I’m so sorry I’ve been ignoring you. I just got this dumb idea in my head that if I pushed you away it’d hurt less when you did go. And then you nearly died, and I realized how dumb that was.”

“You are dumb, sometimes” Peter said with a grin, “But you’re my big brother and I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”

“And you’re going to stop getting into fights and nearly giving us all heart attacks every week?” Harry asked.

Peter smirked.

“Can’t promise that” he groaned, “But I can promise I’ll always come to you or someone if I’m really hurt…”

“Good enough, for now” Harry sighed. He lay back down and put his hand on Peter’s chest and smiled as Peter put his own hand on top of it. Some of the stuff he’d found out from Tony the night before made him feel sick to his stomach. That their father had willingly volunteered Peter to be experimented on for the sake of some mutant programme and had done so so much that normal, everyday medical treatment would never be enough for his little brother had filled Harry with rage he never knew he had. 

The fact that Peter himself didn’t actually know this made it worse. Harry hated the idea of keeping something secret from his brother, but he knew that the truth would only hurt Peter at best and give him some even deeper complex issues at worst. Tony and Ben had stressed to him that Peter deserved to live as normal a life as he could now, though Harry knew that that would have an expiry date. Peter would have to find out some time. 

By the time Harley came bursting in to the med bay doors some three hours later, Harry knew that it was safe enough to leave Peter for a while. He was up, he was talking and he was in good spirits. Ben drove Harry back to the house so they could pick up some more stuff and get showered and changes themselves.

It was only when, once again, that Harry was alone in the shower that the full weight of the last few days hit him again. 

And this time, he wasn’t strong enough to resist temptation.

There was just so much bad feeling swirling around in him, and it never stopped, the only change was when something new and even more horrifying crashed into his life and added itself to the mix. He felt heavy. His blood felt heavy. Like there was too much of it inside of him, like it was drowning him, just the same way it had drowned Steven Westcott. He needed to release it. He needed to be lighter. He didn’t need to scratch. He didn’t need to scrub. He didn’t need to touch or be touched or offer his body up to someone he barely knew for a few moments of pleasure and relief.

No.

He needed to cut. Slash. If he bled, he’d feel less heavy, he’d feel less like he was about to drown in it all.

And so, for the first time, Harry reached for the blade and pressed it into his arm. The first drop of blood he saw swirled around the shower water and seamlessly disappeared down the drain. As if it had never been there. And no one would ever know. So, he continued.

And when, it was time to go, time to turn the shower off, time to head back to Peter and the mess they all called their lives, Harry felt strong enough to paint on the smile everyone needed from him.

He’d come undone, but no one else needed to know that. 


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone, I wish this was a happier update but unfortunately I've just had the news through that my best friend passed away after contracting COVID-19. Due to this, my head at the moment is not really in a writing space so I may be delaying some of what I have planned. May not be too much of a delay as writing is what often helps me through hard times so I may be back up and running soon. So if I don't end up posting that Xmas chapter, I hope everyone has the best holiday they can under the circumstances and I'll see you in 2021. It has to be better, right?

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/useful-contacts/  
> Please use this link if you are suffering with feelings of self-harm. It is not the answer.
> 
> I'm going to be posting a non-linear Xmas chapter on December 24th, so look out for that.
> 
> I'll be carrying on this story in 2021, hope to see you there
> 
> Thank you for reading,   
> PLEASE leave a comment below with your thoughts, I do love reading them  
> stay safe,  
> Jamie  
> xxxx


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